Sometimes the one you want is not the one you need -- October 1977

I had to talk to Michael about everything.  He deserved to know.  I had tears in my eyes because I knew where this conversation was going to go.  I could nto help what was going on, but I had to get this procedure done or it could be really bad for me.  I had an idea of why my step-loser and Mum did not want to help me with any of ti.... but I tried not to think about that.

I found Michael by the water's edge of the lake, reading casually.  I grinned.  It was a Muggle book called Of Mice and Men.  It was a classic.  I sat down beside him, leaning against the tree.  "Can I interrupt?" I asked him, trying to keep my voice light and casual.

I nodded, though I finished my paragraph before looking up at Tobi.  Though her voice may have been light, her eyes were heavy and it worried me.  I looked at her an dput my hand on hers.  "Of course," I said to her.  "What did they do now?"  I always knew that it normally had something to do with her family when she got upset.

I chuckled slightly and leaned into Michael.  "Just the norm," I said to him.  "Making my life hell..."  This was partially their fault, after all.  "Were you enjoying  your book?"

I smiled at her.  "Of course I was," I assured her.  "But you are more important."  I looked at her, rather worried.  I would let her open up to me as she needed; sometimes she took awhile to talk to me, but she always ended up opening up in the end.

Oh how I wished that would be true after I told him what was going on.  It was too much for me, let alone him.  I smiled sadly at him.  "that's sweet of you," I said to Michael.  "But I have a feeling that it might change once you know what's going on..."

I looked at Tobi and could see all the sadness.  I reached towards her face and brushed away a tear that already fell.  "What is it?" I questioned, unsure of what was going through her mind.  It must have been horrible, though.

I took adeep breath.  "Michael, something has happened," I said to him quietly.  "My health is in danger... it's some girly disease."  I was sure that Michael would not want details about it once I labeled it that way.  I really did not want to go into the details of it, either,so I hoped I was right.

I was about to ask exactly what when she mentioned it being a girly thing.  "Oh," I said, furrowing my brow slightly.  I took hold of her hand and squeezed it gently.  "Whatever it is, things will be alright, Tobi."

I shook my head, trying to keep the tears from falling.  "Michael... my parents won't help with the more expensive way of treating it... so I have to go the other route," I said slowly.  "And that's by having a baby..."  And that was when the tears started.

I was shocked at what Tobi had said to me.  We had been dating a bit... but what was she asking me to do?  Or was this a breakup?  Merlin's beard... what was I supposed to say?  "Oh... well... erm," I said, avoiding any eye contact with her.  I almost felt as though I wanted to drop her hand, but I wanted to try to be supportive.  I was not sure if I could do that, though.

I took a deep breath.  "This isn't a request or anything like that," I said, biting my lip.  "It's just... I have to do this.  I don't expect anything from you.  I know it's quite a lot to take in... I still don't think I've gotten my head wrapped around it, either."