Everybody loses it; everybody wants to throw it all away sometimes -- 1986

I went over to Grimmauld Place to check in on Ember... Chloe had told me things were nto goign well with her and the kids.  I had been trying - and failing - to get work to help with our family, that I lost track of Ember slgihtly.  I did not realize that she was lost in her own world.  I had Will and Lucy with me since Chloe was at work at St. Mungo's.  "Ems?" I called out, ushering my kids in with Dean and Elena.  She was not watching them but I knew the kids were okay; they were in a room that was protected and they could not get out.

I gave Lenni and Dean hugs and they instantly bombarded Lucy and Will.  I went through the house and saw Ember in their bedroom, packing things into boxes.  "Ems?" I questioned, realizing that it was all Sirius's stuff she was packing away.  "What are you doing?"

I jumped slightly at Remus's voice and put a hand on my chest to show that he scared me.  "Remus!  You can't just come barging in here," I snapped at him, feeling like I was caught cheating or something.  I was not entirely sure what I was doing.  I just needed to get rid of Sirius's things.  It has been five years and he still was stuck in Azkaban and nowhere closer to coming home.  I could not raise two kids while hoping that my husband wold return to me.  I could not do it anymore.

I wanted to just be done with waiting.  I had no control over what others thought and the way to make sure my kids would be okay... well, I had to get out of this house.  I had to leave.  I had to be done.  They would be better if I could start over... get this umbrella of darkness off of their heads the best that I could.  Remus and Chloe would not understand.  So how could I tell them?

I stayed in the doorway, looking over what she was doing.  I was not sure if I wanted to know what was going on.  "Ems," I said to her slowly, "I'm sorry.  You're right; I shouldn't have just come in here.  But it's just never been an issue  before..."  Was there more to this than just packing up her husband's things?  No... nothing would happen while the kids were downstairs, though.

I stopped and looked at Remus.  I took a deep breath.  I had to look like a mad woman in the bedroom throwing things into trunks and the like.  "I just... you won't understand," I said to him simply, going back to what I was doing.  I did not care if he was there watching me.  I had to do this before I lost my nerve.

I raised my eyebrows.  "I won't understand what exactly?" I inquired, leaning against the doorframe of her bedroom door.  I realized that she was packing all sorts of things.  I was not sure if she was just packing away Sirius's things or if she was trying to pack to move her and hte kids...

I stopped packing and stared at him.  "How hard it is for me," I said to him, tossing some shirts onto the bed.  "To be here... alone... with all of these things... the kids... everything.  I have to do something."  I was not going to let Remus judge me or change my mind.

I was not entirely sure what to make of it.  "Okay," I said slowly.  "So you are putting things in storage?" I wanted to think that rather than anything else at the moment.

I stopped packing again and looked at him, trying to hide my despair.  "I'm... Remus, I plan on moving," I said to him, knowing that I was going to get yelled at or something.  But Remus never yelled.  He would be far too understanding; sometimes, I was not sure which was worse.

I nodded, letting what Ember said sink in.  "Okay," I said slowly.  "And why the decision to move?" I had a feeling that i already knew the answer, but I wanted to hear her say it.

I stopped packing again and looked at one of my best mates.  "I can't stay here waiting for things to change," I said quietly.  I felt so small.  "I don't know exactly what I'm going to do about everything else... but a fresh start away from all of this.  I feel like that's what I need to be able to give the kids the best they can have."

I took a deep breath to figure out what to say to her.  "Ems, you can't think that moving is going to fix all the troubles?  You'll still miss him.  The kids will still miss him and have their own issues..." I said quietly.