At times life is wicked and I just can't see the light -- Summer 2018

I had needed to get out of the house and Bill had wanted to speak to me, so I was at Shell Cottage sitting at the kitchen table while Bill set some snacks and tea down in front of me.  I watched him carefully as he finally sat down.  "Bill, what is it?" I asked, unable to make small talk. I just could not make small talk.  Iw anted to know why he felt it so urgent to speak to me.  I knew it had to be about Charlie.

I sat down and looked at Desdemona.  "How are you?" I asked, though I wanted to speak about Charlie.  I did not want to think about the loss we all endured, but Charlie and Des went through the most.

I shrugged, shaking my head.  "I honestly have no idea how to answer that quesiton," I said to him.  "Sometimes I think I'll be okay... and then I look and see something that she used to love or hate and it turns me into a wreck still.  And then there's Charlie... I can't talk to him; he's never home..."

I gave my sister-in-law a hug and sighed.  "I know,' I said to her.  "I want to figure out how to deal with Charlie and help him... but I'm nto sure how."

We all really did want to help Charlie, but he made it damn near impossible to do so.  I looked at Bill and started to drink some tea.  "We need to get through to him," I said to Bill after a few moments.  "I can only think of an intervention... but that will not be a good idea, I don't think."

I could not help but chuckle at that thought.  "It might have to be something like that," I said to her honestly.  "We'll have to figure something out."  I looked at Desi.  "What have you done already to get through to him?" We needed to know where to start.

I sighed and shook my head.  "Any rational idea people have given me -- time, space, love, everything.  But now?  Well, I'm going to have to do the extreme..." I trailed off, not entirely sure if it was good for me to tell Bill I was thinking of at least threatening to leave.  Because if I threatened it, then I would have to make sure I would follow it through if Charlie did not change.

I bit my inner cheek.  I was not entirely sure whether that was a good idea or not, but Desdemona had to do what was best for her if Charlie was not going to help himself.  I sighed and put a hand on her shoulder.  "I understand," I said to her.  "Just... think really hard about it, okay?  don't just leave him hgih and dry.  He might be close to coming around..."

I looked at Bill and shook my head.  "I know it sounds absurd," I explained, "but I don't know what else I can do for him, Bill."  I knew that his family would hate me fi I left Charlie in a time like this... but I could nto wait forever for Charlie to start coming around after the loss of Quinn.

taking a deep breath, I thought about what I wanted to say.  "I know, Des, no one knows what to do for him," I conceded.  I rubbed her back as we sat there.  "I just don't know if more loss is what anybody needs... you, him, the family..."

I looked over at Bill.  "I say none of this to cause more pain, Bill.  I know no one needs more loss," I assured my brother-in-law.  "I just don't know what else to do anymore... I say all of this with the heaviest of hearts.  I'm not done trying for Charlie, though.  I just... I have to know my options."

At least she was thinking about this logically.  "Okay," I said to her quietly.  "That is probably the best ways to look at it... no matter if it is saddening if you have to take the other route."

I looked over at Bill and gave him a sad smile.  "I really don't want it to go the alternate route," I assured him.  "And I hate to be telling you this in the first place... I don't want it to come down to anything that might come between you and Charlie."

I was relieved and smiled a bit.  "I'm glad to hear that," I said to her honestly.  "And I'm sure you wont' have to... and you know you can talk to me about anything, Des.  I know your brother would be the prime choice, but you're family, too.  So I'm here for you as much as I am here for Charlie."

I gave my brother-in-law a hug, grateful that he was not judging me for my thoughts.  "Thank you," I said to him.  "I just hope that one of us can get through to Charlie.  I dont' want any of us to lose him, too."