I don't know what I would do without you...TBD

I shook my head at her.  "I didn't say that for you to feel the need to apologize," I pointed out, smiling at Ally as she handed me a water.  I thanked her and took a drink before continuing.  I was not too sure about Ryan, but I did not need to bore Ally with those details.  This was one thing, though, that he refused to talk to me about.  My relationship with Ryan was getting worse and worse.  
I sighed and had to agree.  Juliet - though she has not informed me yet - probably did have all sorts of ideas already.  It was just the way women were.  I smiled at Ally.  "I'm sure Josh will like your ideas, too, Ally."  She was asking me for wedding advice?  My first marriage was not necessarily a cup of tea, though at first we were really happy.  "Well, despite the stress of everything, just knowing the outcome made it so much more bearable.  You are going to be with the person who has made you so happy already for hte rest of your life... and then you'll have so many new firsts.  I know I was kind of freaking out before when I realized I wouldn't have any more firsts -- kisses, dates, and, to be honest, no more one night stands or flings.  But then you'll get -- eventually -- the first house, the first baby, the first smiles and laughs from each one... it definitely makes up for everything that you think you're missing out on."  I was not entirely sure if I actually answered her question, though.

Grinning as he continued, " That sounds wonderful" I said as I couldn't contain my grin. I couldn't wait, " You were apart of mum and dad's wedding party right?" I asked him. I was enjoying hearing some of the stories. When I want to be I can be a hopeless romantic. When he mentioned that Josh will like my ideas, " It'll work hopefully..everything we both want it'll be a nice combination." I hoped, " We're...having a memorial chair..." I said as it still hurt to finish the story as I tried to continue. " As a reminder who is there and whatnot."

I nodded at her.  "Yeah, I was in their wedding party," I said, thinking back.  "And... I can assure you that your dad only looked happier than he had on that day when he was holding each of you for the first time."  Merlin, it was still painful to think about Will like that.  But it was one way that helped me cope with being unable to save him.  

I put a hand on her arm.  "Ally, that's a wonderful idea," I assured her, trying to smile reassuringly at her.  It would take forever before the pain in my chest would cease when speaking of one of my best mates.  He was practically my brother, after all.

I nodded and smiled at my uncle. " I'm glad you like it.....erm.." I wanted to ask him what his opinion would be on a brief moment of silence for the ones who were to be remembered. " To add to it...a brief moment of silence to just have a breather. .." I explained, " I may have to find those pictures..." I pointed out.

I nodded as she spoke.  "That would probably be a good idea to ad to it," I said, knowing that everyone there would be in tears most likely and that would intensify it all.  "If you need any help finding pictures, let me know.  I'm here to help in any way I can, kiddo."

Grinning like an idiot, " Thanks," I said as I couldn't contain myself. It would be a great idea to look through pictures and bother uncle Dean like no tomorrow asking how some of the pictures were taken. I loved hearing the stories when they all went to school. I wasn't sure how to really tell Uncle Dean that I was still really angry with Mere and I wasn't sure what to do about it.

I smiled at my niece and could read her expression.  "You may as well voice what's on your mind, Ally," I said to her, my smirk still on my face.  "I can tell there's something there... so just tell me.  You know I don't hold anything against you.  Unless it's because I have something in my teeth... then, just let me have some blissful ignorance," I teased.  I wanted to make sure that she would keep a bit of a smile on her face, though I had a feeling it would be fading quickly.

I figured I would just come clean about it. " Well....With Meredith..I don't know what to do about her. Her and I have not spoken for a while. I can't look at her without well...losing control." I said as I was ashamed. I hated feeling this way.

I took a deep breath and nodded while Ally spoke.  "It's understanding as to why you're upset with her.  It's going to take some time to even begin to look past this or even try to forgive her," I said to Ally gently.  "The only thing you have got to try to do is not to let it tear you apart.  Having that much... anger and even hatred towards someone is not good for yourself -- especially when it is someone you used to be close to."  of course I was speaking with some experience -- just different scenario.

I nodded to my uncle as he spoke, " I get it...I just.....do we invite her to the wedding?" I asked I was unsure of what to do. " It's already tearing me apart...I don't know how to take it." I told him as I couldn't really put it into words.

Now that one was a little more difficult to answer.  "Well... with that one, it's your day," I said to her honestly.  "If it's going to dampen that day, I would say no.  But you kind of have to think of the future... will you regret not having your half-sister there?  Unfortunately, that is one question only you will be able to decide.  And if you invite her and it becomes too much, you know I'll take care of it so you don't have to lose control."  I tried to give her a reassuring smile.  "And if you decide not to, you know I won't let anyone give you shit about it, either."

I don't want to start anything else with Josh and Seth. They already aren't talking to one another because of me and Meredith. " For Josh I think we should...." I told him not that I was happy about it. I just knew I could try to be better. " I know nothing would happen...I will also have no problem kicking her out...but my problem is if something happens the other side might make an appearance." I explained.

I nodded slowly as Ally spoke.  "The other side won't make an appearance," I assured her, "because I won't let anything happen that would provoke it.  I will take care of everything on that aspect."  I was proud of Alysha for thinking of Seth and Josh's relationship -- because I knew that was what she was doing.  "I also think that, in the long run, Josh will greatly appreciate it because of his relationship with Seth."

Biting my lip, " I would deal with it if it would help their relationship. " I said as I crossed my arms, I knew uncle Dean wouldn't let me get to out of control. I just wish I didn't have this much hate in me for her. That's why the other side makes it appearance. " As long as we try to make plans to be back ups for your back up? "