Somebody get me through this nightmare -- Summer 1969

After modifying some memories -- which is most unfortunate -- I returned to my son and held him in my arms as he started to panic.  I had a couple of scratches and I was sore, but it did not matter.  "Shh... Remus... calm down, please," I said, patting his head and squeezing tightly, not wanting to let him go.

I finally stopped crying and I looked up at my dad.  "Dad... that village... I did it... I hurt them all," I said, shaking from fear.  I never knew I could do such a thing like that!  what was wrong wiht me?  I wished I could control the beast.

Of course I knew that after having spoken to the men who brought remus back to me.  I had to modify the memories and I knew that they did not realize what had happened with the village, but I did nto need them to hunt my son down to try to ask him questions or know where we lived.  I held Remus tightly and soothed him teh best I could.  "I know, son... it'll be okay," I said to him, though I knew that he would not believe me.

I pulled away from him and looked at my dad through teary eyes.  "How do you know that?" I asked, fearing that I would end up becoming a monster like that animal that tore apart that village.

I sighed and wished that I could get him to believe me.  "It'll be hard," I said to him truthfully.  I had no other idea of how to console him.

The fact that my dad was not explaining a lot to me told me that he could not help me that much.  And that was alright... at least he was not lying to me.  "Dad... could you make me some hot chocolate or something...?" I asked, wanting something to calm me down.

I smiled sadly at Remus, nodding.  I stood up and went to the kitchen to make Remus his hot chocolate topped with cinnamon and whipped cream -- his favorite way to have it.  I brought the cup to him with a couple of cookies as well.  "Here you go," I said to him.  "I can make a Dreamless drought for you for when you go to sleep... it will keep away any nightmares."  I would do everything i could to make this easier for him.

I drank from the mug without speaking.  I looked up and nodded at him.  "Yes, please," I said to him quietly.  There was just no way that I could sleep any other way.

I watched my son closely and in silence for a little while.  He at least had stopped shaking.  "Remus... I think we need ot speak about what happened," I said after awhile.  I did nto want him to bottle it up for it would end up tearing him apart.

I looked up at my father and shook my head.  "I don't think I can, Dad," I said toh im honestly.  I knew he was right, but did I have to do it right now?

I gave my son a steady gaze.  It was not stern, not accusatory, it was just steady.  He knew he could trust me.  "Just take your time, son," I replied kindly.

I nodded, glad that Dad was being patient.  "I... there was a lot of anger... fear... blood," I said, getting flashes of what my other side had done overnight.  It was terrifying.

I put my hand on Remus's arm, trying to comfort my son in any way. "I am so sorry, Remus," I said, feeling the entire weight of all the guilt... it was my fault he was turned into a werewolf.  Greyback was after me... and he went after my son.

I looked up at my dad and shook my head, tears sitll filling my eyes.  "It's not your fault, DAd," I said to him.  "I need to find a way to try to control what I do... I just don't know if that's possible..."

He did not know the entire story and little did he know that it was my fault he was a werewolf.  I sighed.  "I'll start doing some research on that, Remus," I assured my son.  "You might not be able to control it... but you might not lose your memory.  I don't think there is anything out there yet to help werewolves... people tend not to want to help you..."  It was the sad truth.