If I survive tonight, I wouldn't change a thing -- June 1998

Lucius Malfoy wrote:I raised my icy stare to look at my wife.  She was going to rise against me as well?  I loved Narcissa, but she was foolish to think she had a say in what happened between me, Draco, and the Dark Lord.  "It was what should have been finished the day he succeeded in his task," I informed my wife matter-of-factly.  "And as for Juniper's say in the matter, she has none.  When it comes down to her brother, she had no right in any matter.  Draco will see that his choices have consequences that he must live with."

I shook my head "A task that forced our son to become a murderer." I reminded him. I gave a humourless laugh at his comments regrading our daughter. Clearly, I knew our children better then he did. "Juniper won't care if she has a say or not. She'll either volunteer to take his place or say she'll become one too." I informed him. "What will you do then?" I let him think on that for a moment before I continued to the real reason I was here but I didn't give him enough time to interrupt me. "She needs more time Lucius." I said in my own matter-of-fact way. "What's the worst that could happen if she stayed here to pack up and left when Draco moves out?"

I stopped pacing when he took my hands to stop me from biting them. A small smile tugged at my lips when he started talking about how I wasn't entirely at fault today. "I may not have started it," I said slowly, allowing myself to accept the fact that I didn't case all the problems in my family like Father would have me think. "But my rants didn't really help either of us." I nodded, knowing this fight was going to happen myself but I didn't expect this all in one night. I knew Draco need to support his family, no matter what, even if he had to do what Father said.

When he let go of my hands I started to pace again, forcing myself not to bit my nails, knowing he would be watching to make sure I didn't case myself anymore harm. I had to be content with giving myself a tight hug to keep me together. I looked up at him, "I know what your doing." I began, "you're trying to distract me from the fact that your going to come back here to deal with Father without me." I had no idea if this was true but in my current state, I though it could be. "Draco, I'm coming with you when you come back here. I know Fathers going to do something, he was furious with us. I won't let you deal with him on your own."

I couldn't take it anymore. I raised my hand and started to bit my other nails. I held up my my injured hand, the one I wasn't biting, when Draco started towards. I was showing him I wasn't bitting those nails. "It's my other hand." I said. I didn't know if this would allow me to keep biting them but I couldn't help it.

I rolled my eyes at her, letting her continue to bite until I would see blood again.  There was no use in stopping her -- it was her bad habit.  "June, Father had this coming to him from the day he started treating us like vermin," I said, shaking my head.  Granted, Juniper had it far worse than I did for years.  But then I got targeted by the Dark Lord because I was his pride and joy... which was fine.  I would never want Juniper to go through what I had to -- especially when I had refused to take the Mark.  I rubbed my left forearm nervously at just the thought of the Mark being put there.  

"Juniper, I'm not trying to distract you from anything.  But what he says he wants isn't anything that bad this time around... I'll do as he says, and Pansy and the twins will be fine," I assured her.  I could marry her.  I sure was not going to let any harm befall any of them.

I smiled at the thought.  "Both of them becoming Death Eaters would suffice.  Give both of my children to the Dark Lord... that would most certainly please him," I said, quite pleased that Narcissa mentioned something.  Perhaps Bellatrix could help me get Juniper to come to terms with it as well.  Her staying would make it easier to assure that she would be receiving the Dark Mark as well.  I stroked my chin slightly.  "Fine.  She has a week.  Same as Draco.  Though he is always welcomed under my roof... unless he chooses against my wishes on what I told him earlier."  I knew he would not, though.  He was one of those people who would do anything for his family -- even if they were not born yet.

"They're our children Lucius." I reminded him. I took a shaky breath, I had won the battle but it looked like I was losing the war. I forced myself to remain emotionless. "Do what you feel you must but just remember they did resists once, what makes you think they won't again?" There was more at stake this time for Draco. I didn't say anything more about Juniper staying, afraid he might change his mind if I brought it up again.

I was surprised when Draco didn't try to stop me from biting my nails again. I let up slightly, not wanting them to bleed so soon as I knew that was what Draco was waiting for. "I know he has had this coming but...." I though of all that had happened to us. It was targeted at me when we were little which was perfect, I didn't want Draco to get hurt. Then when the Dark Lord came back, Draco got his turn. I always tried to take the attention away from him but it never seemed to work. I saw him rubbing his arm when his Mark should've been if he hadn't resisted.

I absent-mindedly stopped bitting my nails in favour of scratching my own version of the Dark Mark that Aunt Bellatrix branded me with. Of course it wasn't real and I knew Draco hated it when I touched it since he could see it then but I couldn't help it. No matter what I did, it was always there. I was getting use to it though, it served as a reminder of all we'd been through, and of the fact that we had somehow gotten through everything.

"But doesn't this feel different?" I finally finished. "He was furious with us. Getting kick out and having to marry Pansy won't be the whole punishment." Of this, I was sure. Father had ways of making sure we knew we did something wrong. The punishments he gave us today were not the last we would be hearing of him. "What he says he wants isn't bad this time, why?" I asked. "He has something else up his sleeve." Maybe I was being too nervous, years of living like we had could do that to you, but I felt like I was right. There was more to come and we wouldn't like it at all. I started scratching at my 'mark' harder.

"Of course dear," I said, nearly dismissing the notion that they were her children as well.  "And that is why I am allowing Juniper the extra week."  I walked over to her and put my hands on Narcissa's shoulder.  "Because, as their mother, you do have a say in some matters.  Just not when it comes to the Dark Lord."  I knew Draco would resist, but in the end he would take the mark.  He would do anything for his sister and now that unborn child.  He had killed Albus Dumbledore for the life of his sister... taking the Mark for the life of his child should be a walk in the park.

Juniper was right.  This was far too easy.  "The prospect of ruining our lives forever has never been something Father liked to do," I agreed.  "He always prefers instant gratification"  Something worse was coming; I could feel it in my gut.  I stopped rubbing my forearm as I watched Juniper scratch at her 'mark'.  That was it.  "He wants me to have the perfect family -- or at least what appears to be the perfect family according to his standards.  What am I missing to make it 'perfect'?" I asked, using quotes on the word.  I sat down and sighed.  What was I going to do?  I knew that they were going to come after me again at one point or another... but I could not handle going through that again.  I still vividly remembered what happened last time; I barely made it through.

No wonder our children were so dependant on each other. Between what Lucius put them through and the fact that I never defended them, all they had were each other. I was happy I had had twins, at least they had someone. "I may not have a say when it comes to the Dark Lord," I agreed, "and they may become Death Eaters to save each other and the baby." I forced myself not to mention that Draco was actually expecting twins. Lucius was mad enough. "but they won't be happy about it, and the only reason they would become Death Eaters is to save the ones they love." That was going to have to be enough for me since I knew resistance was futile.

I stopped scratching my 'mark' long enough to really look at it, coming to the realization at the same time Draco did. "The Mark, a real Mark." I answered unnecessarily. I started scratching my mark even harder. Last time, he had baring survived. He never told me much about it although I guess that was fair, I never said much about Aunt Bellatrix's attack. I still had nightmares of what he looked like when he came home, although he didn't know that. I could only imagine what haunted his dreams. I shook my head and kept pacing. "I once told Father that I wouldn't let them make you a Death Eater, no matter what. I stick by that." I said. "They can have me if they want but you have a family now."

I looked at my mark and shook my head again. "If only this were real, maybe we wouldn't be in this situation." I sighed and looked over at my brother. "I won't let them hurt you Draco." I promised, "You, Pansy or you babies." I didn't have anyone who depended on me. I depended on Draco and he had lots of other people who depended on him as well. His loss would be much more tragic then mine. I scratched my mark harder, debating if I wanted to make it bleed again like I had done so many times when I first got it, foolishly thinking that I could make it go away.

I took hold of Juniper's hands to keep her from doing something self destructive.  "June... we'll just have to trust each other on this," I said quietly.  The realization had saddened me.  "I do have a family.  And if the only way to protect my family -- you, Pansy, and the twins -- is to take the Mark, I'll do it.  They won't hurt any of you that way... and the Mark will just burn for a moment."  I had seen some of my fellow classmates take the Mark and remembered how they described it.  I kissed the top of my sister's forehead.  I looked into her blue eyes.  "I assure you that I won't get hurt."  Well, at least physically.  I was selling my soul to the devil if I had to to protect the ones I loved.  It was better than the alternative, though.

I knew that my control over our children was diminishing rather quickly, but I had to do my best.  "Even though they may be against it, it will all be for the best in the long run with the Dark Lord in power," I pointed out.  "One day they may even thank me for it when the Dark Lord proves once and for all that he is the most powerful Wizard."

I gave an amused laugh at my husbands comment, "I do not believe they will ever thank you for that dear, even if the Dark Lord does rise to power." I wasn't saying that he wouldn't rise to power, just that, no matter what, our children would never thank him for doing this to them.

I gave a humourless laugh, "It's not about the pain." I knew he could handle that, hell, I could too. I heard what it was like from some of our classmates who'd taken the Mark. Draco had already survived the Dark Lords wrath which I was surprised they hadn't unleashed on me to convince Draco to take the Mark to begin with. Secretly, I was grateful they hadn't, I don't think I would've survived, I wasn't that strong. "It's about what it represents."

I pulled my hands back from him, held up my left forearm and put my index finger from my right hand against it so he could see my 'Mark'. "I already have this, I'm already halfway there." I said, not sure how true it was but I didn't care. "They mind as well finish what Aunt Bellateix started. If either of us has to get the Mark it's going to be me."

The protective instinct flared up in me.  "The bloody hell you are," I told her, looking at her in disbelief.  "They don't want you, June.  They never have -- and it pains me to say that because it isn't just the Dark Lord that that applies to," I said sadly.  "But I want you.  And I will keep you safe.  That I can promise you.  I know what the Mark signifies... and I know what could happen to me if people knew -- but most everyone thinks I'm already one of them anyways.  I can't let you take this punishment for me, Juniper, not like you've done in the past."  I ran a hand through my hair, sighing.  "And as bad as it is that you got disowned by Father, he really kind of did you a favor.  You're free from him.  You can actually get out."  That was all I wanted for my twin; I knew that was what she wanted for me as well, but I was a little behind her on that respect.