If I survive tonight, I wouldn't change a thing -- June 1998

I nodded, standing up from the chair.  I was worried and tired, but I wanted to speak to Draco about all of this in private.  I could see the stress on his face despite his attempt to hide it.  I wish things would be easier with having our babies, though I was quickly learning that it was not the case with Draco.  I sitll would not change it for the world, though.  I loved him and would do anything for him.  "I think that would be best" I agreed, thinking the earlier we got everything done, the better.

I was about to protest Lincoln going to get the rooms but it really was best plan. I anxiously awaited his return and let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding when he came back, still safe. How was I going to survive the next week when they were going to be a lot further away then this? I took a shaky breath, deciding that I would have to figure it out as I went. "Neighbouring fine, thank you." I said sincerely. When Draco mentioned breakfast, I had no idea if I would be able to eat anything but I would try, I nodded. "Eight, then Ministry." We would all needed our rest but how could any of us sleep with what was going to happen in the next week? I knew, despite how tired I was from the emotional roller coaster that had been my night, I would stay up to make sure Lincoln was safe. I shook my head to clear it. "Sounds like a plan." I agreed. I forced a smile that I'm sure didn't even begin to resemble one up at Lincoln, "Lead the way."

Before we separated, I went over to Juniper and squeezed her tightly.  Kissing the top of her head, I whispered to her, "Everything will be okay.  I promise."  I pulled away from her, trying to hide the worry that was surely etched on my face from her.  I took a deep breath and turned to face Pansy, knowing I did a much better job at hiding my emotions from her than I did my twin.  Juniper and I knew each other all too well to be able to hide anything.  Even if we did not ask what was behind the worry, we could always tell when something was wrong.  I took hold of Pansy's hand and grabbed her bag -- she did not need to be carrying it.  "We'll see the two of you in the morning," I said, taking the key from Lincoln.

I waited for the siblings, giving a key to Draco.  I would try to make sure that Juniper got some rest.  Questions could wait until it was all over with.  Juniper and I had that type of relationship where questions were rarely asked of one another.  We just somehow always trusted each other.  I think it had somethign to do with similar backgrounds.  I wished I could assure her that everythign would be okay, but how could I when I had no idea what was going on?  All I could do was assure her that Pansy and I would be safe and okay - I would make sure of it.

We led the way towards the two neighboring rooms and I unlocked the door since Draco's hands were kind of full.  I opened it up and was grateful to be by ourselves so I could actually have a moment to freak out.  When the door closed and Draco had set down my bag, I looked at him, tears in my eyes.  "Draco, what if this doesn't work?" I asked, not wanting anything to happen to our babies.  I bit my lip nervously, trying to keep the tears from falling.

I hugged Draco tightly back, closing my eyes and savoured the moment as best as I could. I wanted to stay in this moment forever but I knew there were things we had to do. "I know it will, I promise too." I whispered back. When Draco pulled back, I saw the worry in his face, despite his best efforts to hid it from me. We knew each other too well to be able to hide much from each other, especially emotions. I tried to give him a reassuring smile before I bent to pick up Lincoln's bags, hoping he would understand I needed something to do with my hands, and followed the group.

I let Lincoln unlock the door since he had the key and went in, putting his things on the first bed and sitting down on the one opposite. I had been wearing a tank-top and capris but the June night had become slightly cool, or maybe it was just me. I started shaking, whether form nervous or cold I wasn't sure, I suspected the former. I took a few slow shaky breaths to prevent myself from starting to hyperventilate. I glanced down at my dragon pendent, took it in my hands and gave a humourless laugh, "And I thought sixth year was bad." I shook my head before letting the pendent fall back against my chest. I sighed, looking up at Lincoln. "I know we probably sound crazy to you but you have to know this is for the best. You both need to go as far away as possible. Gold's no object." Draco had all the gold but I knew we had enough to get them anywhere. "Just don't tell us where you're going." If I didn't know, I couldn't tell anyone, no matter how much they hurt me. Not that I would anyway, but it was better for everyone this way.

I turned around and looked at Pansy.  She had held it together well back there and I was glad that she had.  I put my arms around her and held her tightly, kissing her forehead.  "It will work.  The four of you will be fine," I said, speaking of her, the twins, and Lincoln.  Juniper and I should be okay, but I would not promise anything.  I pulled back and looked at her, brushing some hair away from her face.  "I am just so sorry that you got drug into something like this..."

I smiled without any humor.  "June... a lot of your requests are crazy and seemingly ridiculous," I informed her.  "But not once have I doubted you.  You should know that I have a modicum of trust for you -- something that hardly anyone else has ever gained from me.  So please, try not to fret."  I knew that would be something impossible for her to do; I could see the worry written all over her.

I did realize how he did not include him or his sister in the number of who would be okay.  I pulled back and looked into his blue eyes.  "Draco... it's not your fault," I told him.  There was no reason for him to apologize. I just never realized exactly what I was trying to get myself into.  But I was okay with getting married to Draco and being with him.  I wished there was something I could do to help him feel better.  "I love you and the babies... I will do anything to keep you all safe," I assured Draco.

I knew I looked as worried as I felt and usually I was at least a bit better at hiding my emotions, but too much had happened today and I was brought to my breaking point too many times tonight, I wasn't that good. I looked up at Lincoln with a sad smile. "I don't know why you trust me, you really shouldn't." I admitted. "It's times like this I am grateful that you do though." I wanted him to know how much his trust meant to me, especially today, when it may save the life of Pansy, my nieces or nephews and his own. I gave him a small genuine smile as I remembered my own punishment. "I do have good news, I guess." I wasn't sure if getting kicked out and disowned was good news but the fact that I would be leaving Malfoy Manor was. "I'm leaving my house after this week, moving out." I wasn't sure I wanted to go into anymore detail, I wasn't sure how he would react to me living with Draco and Pansy, but if he asked any questions, I wasn't sure I would be able to distract him either.

It was my fault, but how could I get Pansy to understand that wihtout telling her everything?  And I would not do that more to protect her than to hide anything from her.  I moved to the bed and collapsed onto it, staring up at the ceiling.  "Pansy... thank you," I said, looking over at her when she came and laid down next to me.  She looked so beautiful.  She had a baby bump and her face was a little fuller.  What she was wearing just made me realize that I wanted to keep this moment at the forefront of my mind when we went to take the Dark Mark.  This right here would keep me sane.  I leaned closer to her and gave her a light kiss.  "I am so glad to hear you say that... just... don't worry about me, okay?  I've got everything under control," I tried to asure her.

I tried to smile at her to reassure her that we would be okay, but it was hard to do when I was not entirely sure what we were up against.  I raised my eyebrows slightly.  "You're moving out?" I questioned, unable to hide the surprise in my voice.  "Where?  Are you sure you'll be able to?  I mean... that's excellent... but I can't help but worry a little bit..." I was sure she would understand where I was coming from wtih that.  Normally whenever there was good with Juniper, it was accompanied with some sort of bad news as well.

I rolled my eyes at Draco.  He always tried to control everything; when would he realize that some things were just out of his control?  I did not believe a word he said; his face may be able to hide his emotions, but his blue eyes could not.  "Draco... just be careful, okay?  I would like our twins to meet their dad," I said to him softly.  I did not want him to go doing something reckless for the sake of protecting us.

I returned his smile the best I could. I gave a small laugh at his surprise. "I am, and I know what you're thinking. Something bad is happening. Right now." I admitted, and that's as much as I would admit to him right now, "but something good is happening as well." I sighed. I was too tired to think of a believable lie so I decided on the truth. "I'm moving in with Draco and Pansy. And I'll be able to, it was actually Draco's idea. Not that I really had a choice." I bit my lip and looked up at him. I hoped he would be okay with this. What did it matter to him anyway? It's not like he would care about me when he saw me next. He would understand though, I had to get out of my house, no matter what. Not only did I need to get away from Father, but I had gotten kicked out. No, I didn't really have a choice at all. I never had a choice in anything I did.

I swore sometimes Pansy could read me just as well as my sister could.  I sighed and rolled onto my back to stare at the ceiling, my arm behind my head while the other pulled Pansy closer to me.  "They'll meet me," I told her, though it might not be until they had lived their lives to the fullest.  I just was not going to tell Pansy that part.  "And even fi they don't, they'll have you and their aunt telling them stories about me... though, as stories go, I'm more of a disappointment as a father figure than a hero most dads aspire to me."  I had committed murder before I was seventeen.  I would be a Death Eater... what kid would want me as a father?