The moment of truth in your lies -- Winter 1976

It was the middle of our sixth year and things were really starting to spice up for James and Lily, which i could not be happier for the two of them. It was about time in my opinion... I knew that they both liked each other since forever. James was obviously much more blunt about his feelings and everyone knew it, but I could tell Lily really liked James despite what she had said to everyone. Things seemed to be falling into place with all of us. Chloe and I were sort of an item but neither one of us made it official or anything. They did not know about my furry little problem, and I was not about to willingly put that on someone. She deserved much better than that. But I was going to be taking her to the dance in February, so I suppose that being each other's date to that would make things very obvious where we stood. I really did like her. A lot. She liked me for me, too... well, the parts of me she knew. I could feel myself falling for her. I shook my head and wished that Sirius and James would get on the same page about Ember, too. It was none of my business, but I knew that Ember was practically in love with Sirius. And he constantly broke her heart. She was as close to me as a sister and I hated seeing that happen to her. She deserved better, too.

I sighed and went to continue working on my essay while I had the chance to work on just mine. James and Sirius were off doing who know's what and I did not really want to know what they were up to. When it came to the two of them, ignorance was bliss. I was able to write quite a bit when I saw Peter walking into the common room looking rather downtrodden. "Hey, Wormtail," I said with a smile. I was sure that I looked tired... the cycle was soon to be starting. But I always had time to talk with my friends when it seemed like they had a problem.

I had not even seen Remus in the common room when I first walked in. I smiled at my friend -- the one who treated me as an equal and not just as a little person to let tag along on adventures just because I was small enough to fit into holes that could get us into places. Not just someone to pick on even though it was just as a joke... the other two never treated me as equals. Moony always did. I sat down and said, "Hey Moony... working on homework like normal?" He always had some sort of homework in front of him whether it was his or one of ours. And as much as I hated to admit it, he did help me with mine quite often.

I laughed and nodded, setting my quill down. "Yeah," I said, stretching a little bit. "You look troubled, though, Pete. What's up? I'd much prefer help you than write the rest of that essay right now." I looked at him, hoping the concern was written on my face. I worried about Peter sometimes. He was starting to seem really distant -- especially with the other two. I did not know if they had made him angry as they were picking on him more than normal it seemed... though I think that was partially due to the fact that James promised LIly he would try to be nicer to Snape. And poor Wormtail was taking the brunt of it. I was planning on talking to him about that, actually.

One reason why I loved Remus like a brother; he was always so concerned about others' wellbeing even when he was suffering. I sighed and shrugged. "I really don't want to start anything," I said, only being partially honest. I just did not want Moony to dig too much and realize who my loyalties were waivering towards. But I also did want James and Sirius to find out how I was feeling. I wanted them to work for my friendship and not just take me for granted.

Now I was sure that it had to deal with Sirius and James and the way they were treating him. "C'mon, Wormtail," I prodded gently. "If you want me to keep your confidence, you should know by now that I will. I'm a vault. There are plenty of secrets that I can keep... four of the biggest secrets never escape my lips... and i know you know what I'm talking about." Obviously my furry little problem and their solution to it. Plus, of course, the map and everythign else we did on a monthly basis. I did not like the fact that Peter thought he could not talk to me. It made me think that there might be more going on than just him feeling put out by the way the other two were treating him.

I smiled slightly and nodded. Of course Remus was the king of keeping secrets. "Well, I'm just tired of feeling like I don't belong," I said honestly. I did not belong anywhere. Not with the Marauders... not with the Death Eaters... I was trapped between both worlds and each one was tugging on me to join them... well, that used to be the case. Now I felt like the Marauders would simply let me go with no qualms. Except Remus. I truly believed he would fight for me. He was too good not to. But would he really be fighting for me as a friend or just so I would not turn bad? There was a difference.

I leaned back into the chair I was sitting in across from Peter. The way he said it made it seem like it had been going on for ages and not just recently. "You do belong, Peter. With us. We're your friends... you're practically a brother to me. I don't know what I would do without you -- any of you," I told him sincerely. They made my life bearable. I had never thought I would have friends... and then I find the three best friends anyone could have? I mean, how could he think that he did not belong?

It was sweet that Remus viewed me as family, but he was the only one. I ran a hand through my curly hair and shrugged. "I know you feel that way, Remus. I'm disposable to the other two. And don't try to deny it," I added quickly, seeing the words forming on his lips. "They treat me like shit. And then when they need me to use my talents when it helps their scheming, they're all buddy-buddy with me. I'm just getting tired of being treated like an outsider." There, I said it. I really did not want to lose any of my friends, but they did not seem like friends right now anyways.

I went to interrupt him, but Peter beat me to the punch. I closed my mouth and just listened to him for the moment. I could not believe what I was hearing. I did not realize how poorly we treated him. "Peter, I'm sorry. I can't speak for them, but I have never intentionally made you feel like that. You should have come to me sooner," I spoke softly. I knew he was mainly aiming it at the other two, but I felt like I still needed to apologize. I let James and Sirius get away with too many things... I never realized how much they used one of our friends htough. And the reality of the situation was that they probably did not even know. It was not like Peter ever acted like it bothered him the way we all were in our dynamics.

I looked up from the ground at Remus. Why was he apologizing? I shook my head. "Remus, no... you're the only one who makes me feel like a real friend!" I insisted. What was he doing? He was acting crazy. I would not let the Death Eaters that I was hanging out with say a word about him or do a thing to him... well, to the best of my ability anyways. I did not control them. I was not a big part in their picture, either.

"But I should stand up for you, Pete. And I don't. for that, I am sorry. In that manner, I have let you down as a friend," I informed him. I felt horrible. How long had this been going on? Was Peter merely going through the paces of being our friend just because he felt he needed to? I almost felt like we were all lying to each other in some way, shape, or form. We were going to have to hash this all out. I did not want to lose any of my friends.

Well, he was right... he should stand up for me. But he had so much on his plate, I did not expect him to be able to do everything. I smiled at my friend. "Remus, you have never let me down," I assured him. "If anything, this just proves that you are a far better friend then I imagined. You're apologizing for somethign you didn't do... and you want to help me. That's all I can ask for... is the help. What do you think I should do about these feelings? I've sort of been sitting on them, not wanting to start something, you know," I said iwth a shrug. I did not want to lose Sirius and James because some people left me alone because of them... but then again, did I want something fake?

He was giving me much more credit than I deserved. I ran a hand through my hair. "I actually was going to talk to James and Sirius about the way they were treating you befor eyou brought it up," I told him honestly. I really hoped he would believe me when I said that. "I just was not sure how to bring it up. But I knew that lately they've been treating you horribly. I think that it has something to do with James trying to be nice to Snape for Lily." I shrugged, not entirely sure, but pretty positive that was the reason.

At first I was not sure if I believed Remus. He was probably just saying that so it did not look ilke he was going to run with this information to the other two Marauders. When I saw the sincerety in his eyes, I believed he was telling the truth. Why would he lie to me? "If that's what you wanted to do, then I won't stop you. But I just don't want to rock the boat either," I said to him. I did not like doing that at all. I was grateful for the type of odd relationship I had with James and Sirius. I really was... I just wished I could be a bigger part of our friendship than I clearly was.

I really wished that Peter did not look so defeated. "It won't rock the boat," I said, shrugging. "I doubt they even realize what they're doing. You know you're like a brother to them." Of course, when it came ot Sirius and James even I sometimes felt on the outskirts of the friendship. I just tried to not let it bother me... most of the time it worked. I felt a little guilty because that was why I liked having Peter around, too. Him and I were both outcasts in a manner of speaking... we fit together.