Family is not an important thing. It is everything -- Summer 1999

I had noticed that Lily had been acting off lately.  I was not entirely sure what was wrong; she was a little distant.  It was nearing the two year mark as to when we had been saved... I knew that a lot had changed since then and a lot had changed in the sixteen years we were locked away.  I was not the same man I once was.  I feared that maybe it was finally getting to her how much I had changed.  I walked over to where she was relaxing.  "Hey babe," I said, sitting down by her.  "Everything alright?" I asked.

I jumped as I heard his voice, " Hey babe" I said with a grin. I was happy to see him, was I scared about what he would say? " I needed to talk to you actually." I pulled my hair to my one shoulder. " I went to the doctors and got looked at. ....um....I'm pregnant..."

I had not meant to startle her.  I had been concerned for her the past few weeks.  She had not been feelling well and I was glad she finally went in.  What she told me made me start laughing.  "Oh, Lily... that's bloody brilliant," I said, shaking my head and still chortling.  "But seriously, what'd they say?" It seemed like all our kids had baby fever so that was quite a lovely joke.

I shook my head and took his hands. " Sweetie, I'm not kidding..." I told him. " I really am pregnant." I told him and nodded some more. " That's why I have been sick.." I explained, I ran a hand through my hair. I am absolutely terrified. I cannot be a 38 year old mother!!! TO AN INFANT. James was frozen. " Hunny?"

I kept my hands in my wife's.  I stared at her, unblinking.  She was serious?  I knew I had to say something, but I was not sure if I could form words.  I mean, back when we had Harry, I wanted a second child.  We would have, too, had everything not gone awry.  But now?  It was hard enough keeping up with all the drama of the kids that were all grown up.  Though I would enjoy to be there for a child through it's entire life... oh Merlin.  What would Harry think?  Would he be jealous?  Or would he help be protective?  I realized that I still had not said anything and I was sure that Lily was probably freaking out.  I nodded slowly and actually blinked.  "Well... that's not what I expected," I said cautiously.  "I did always want two kids..."  I was not entirely sure how Lily felt about it.  Normally I could read her just fine, but I could not right now.

I was freaking out here. Did it feel like I was freaking out no, not really. Yet my insides were becoming outsides. I was freaking out. " Yeah, we did want two..." I said nodding slowly. I tightened the grip on his hands.

When her grip tightened, I had my answer:  she was freaking out.  I leaned forward and kissed my wife's forehead.  "Babe, it'll be fine," I assured her.  I pulled back slightly so I could look into her beautiful green eyes and so she could see my smile.  Granted, the smile seemed a little forced, but I had to try to not freak out in front of her.  I needed to panic in front of the guys... I knew they would make fun of me in the worst way because of this, but I needed to not panic in front of Lily.  "My parents were this old if not a little older when they had me and Ems," I told her.  "You'll be fine... you're a great mum to Harry.  I know that will carry on with this little one."  I was surprised my voice sounded as calm as it did.  I guess those years of being trapped with Peter were coming in handy... I hid my hatred and feelings for so long with him and showed him nothing but indifference that I had become pretty good at keeping my voice steady and calm in frantic situations.

I was glad he was being supportive, did he really say old?! " were old now?" I asked him, I knew we were I just didnt think he would openly call himself or better yet me old. Nodding, we will be great parents to another child as well as to harry he deserves us fully as well." I said as I didnt let go of his hand.

I laughed, glad that there was spunk in Lily even though she was panicking.  "We're not old... I'm just saying we're the same age as what my parents were -- but you have to admit... when we were young, we thought they were old.  But they were cool, too.  So we've got that going for us, too," I joked.  I squeezed her hands.  "Of course we'll be there for both of them... I'm not through traumatizing our first born.  I find new ways every day to do that to him."

I nodded with a smile, " Okay, I guess I can agree there..." I said as I was worried that we would be old. I was just having a freak out moment. " I just didn't think...." I hoped he knew where I was going because I didn't know if I could make words.

I gave my wife a kiss.  "Honey, everything will be fine; we'll be fine; I'll be fine," I said, knowing I said fine an awful lot in one sentence.  It would take some getting used to the idea that we were going to have a baby.  I was sure I would get to the excited, happy stage and get beyond the freaking out moments.

I raised my eyebrows at him, " You sound....confident.." I said quietly. I didn't want us to be the old parents. " I am actually excited and yet terrified..."

I laughed. I was abutting but confident, but I didn't want lily to freak out. "yep,"I said nodding at her. "I'm kind of surprised you think I'm confident right now... I'm probably so far from it,"I told her honestly.

I laughed, " I know babe....if anyone can do it..I know we can." I told him as I pulled him into a hug. " Thank you for keeping your freak out inside temporarily." I whispered in his ear. I love him with all my heart. He made this so easy for me.

"You will never see my freak out," I informed her.  That was for the guys to see.  She might have to deal wtih slight panicked talking, but bbesides that... she won't get anything else.  I smiled at her and kissed her on the forehead.  "Now... how are we going to tell Harry and everyone else?" I asked her, dreading those conversations.  "I may tell the guys by themselves... it might be best.  But Harry has to hear it from both of us before we tell anyone else.  And... and yeah.  That will just have to be how it goes," I said, talking extremely quickly.  I was not entirely sure how I was going to handle telling Harry without freaking out.