CEMETARY -- Taking a Leaf From Your Book -- Late Summer 1996

It was close to a month after Addison had lost the baby.  I knew it was time to go back to Hogwarts.  But I needed to do something... anything.  So I went to the cemetery where my grandparents and aunt/uncle were.  Mum seemed to find some relief coming here, maybe I would too?  I wasn't sure, but it was worth a shot.  So there I stood, in front of their graves... unsure of what to do now.  I didn't know them... so how was I supposed to start talking to them?  They were gone before I could really remember them.  "Er... hey," I said, pushing my hair away from my eyes.  "So... yeah.  I know Mum comes here to talk to you guys... so I figured I'd give it a shot.  I don't know if you'd even remember me, but you know.  I'm your nephew.  I'm a lot older than you last saw... if you ever met me.  I'm not sure.  But anyways... talking seems to help Mum so here goes..."  I sighed.  What was I doing?  I felt like a fool.  "Erm, nevermind."  I felt like I needed to say goodbye or something.  I turned around and was shocked when I saw Mum standing there.

"sorry... I didn't really think anyone would be here," I told him, walking over to him and putting an arm around his shoulder. "What are you doing here, Dean?" I didn't mean to sound mean or anything, but I was just surprised to see him here and not with Addison.

I couldn't help but laugh a little bit.  "I thought it might help a little bit," I said with a shrug.  "I figured I'd stop by here before heading to the train station to get to school."  I hadn't been sure if it would work or not.  I shrugged again, not wanting Mum to think I wa gonna skip the train or anything.  I looked away from her, not wanting her to see anything in my eyes.

I hugged him. "Honey, the two of you will make it through this," I told him, having him at arms length now. "Just give her time... this was hard on her. And i know it's hard on you." I pushed his hari away from hsi face. "You need a trim," I added with a smile.

I laughed.  Only my mother would say something like that... "Mum, that's the thing.  I don't know if we will.  Addie is so different now... I don't know how to help her.  I know I'm upset and everything, don't get me wrong... I lost a child, too," I said, keeping the tears from falling from my eyes.  "But Mum... Addison... she's... I don't know.  There's just something different, now.  And I don't know what's going to happen," I explained.  I knew it would take more than a month to get past something like this.  I knew we would never truly get over what had happened.  I looked past Mum towards... nothing in particular.  Just the distance...

I really didn't know how to help Dean right now. "Honey," I said, rubbing his arm. "I don't know either. I'm not going to lie to you to make you think something that it might not be. But I do know that you two love each other. And that counts for something. It's only been a month... she was more connected to your little girl than you were," I said, "I don't mean you didnt' love the baby, Deann. But she was carrying it. that is somethign completely different than just carign and loving it. It really is."

I sighed and leaned against my mum's shoulder. "I know... it's just... I don't know," I said. It had to be hard to not be able to help in any way for my mum... and I sort of knew the feeling since there was nothing I could do to help my girlfriend either.

I just held my boy, realizing how grown up he really was. It felt good to have him lean on me for support, though. I just wished it wasn't over something like this. I kissed his forehead and stayed silent. He didn't need me addign anything to the mess that was in his head, even though I wanted to.

I pulled away slightly and looked at my mum. "Why don't we get out of this place and maybe go walk in the park or something? Like we used to do," I told her, feeling nostalgic. I mean... I lost a child that I was looking forward to doing so many things with... and now, I figured my mum would appreciate going back to something we used to do.

I was surprised by him saying that. We walked arm in arm on the way there. "Dean... how is it that you try to think of others even when you're in this much pain?" I asked him. I mean, I had my theories and I probably knew the real answer to that, but I wanted to hear what Dean thought of himself.

I had to think about that one. I really didnt' know. "Erm... I don't know. I mean... I cant' stand it when people I care about are hurting... So I'm gonna do what I can to make sure they dont'," I replied. That seemed to fit alright with that question.

"Hmm," I said, thinking how remarkably more and more he was like his father. I just wasn't going to tell him that because I knew that things were just getting better with them... and I didn't want to say anything that might make Dean take a couple steps back.

I eyed my mother. "What? Do I even want to know?" I asked her, a smile playing at my lips.