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A change in behavior begins with a change in heart -- August 2015

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Post  Graham McCullum Tue Dec 30, 2014 6:50 am

I had just gotten back from the doctor's and looked over at Dahlia feeding our little one year old.  It brought tears to my eyes.  I walked up and gave my daughter a kiss on the forehead and smiled over at my wife.  She knew for the past month or so I had not been doing well, and the test results were in today.  I told her to stay here with Phoebe because I did not want them to be there if it was bad news -- our daughter was a handful to keep still sometimes.  "When she goes down for her nap, we need to talk, Dahlia," I said to her softly.
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Post  Phoebe McCullum Tue Dec 30, 2014 7:01 am

I looked up quickly from wiping Phoebe's chin.  I did not like Graham's tone.  I was starting to get reservations about everything when he started to feel ill an awfully lot.  We rushed into this.  We were far too young to have such an adult life.  I loved my daughter dearly, but even she was too much for me sometimes.  I picked her up and put her in her playpen with some toys.  "No, we can talk now," I said to Graham.
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Post  Graham McCullum Tue Dec 30, 2014 7:09 am

I sighed, not sure what I was seeing in Dahlia's eyes.  our daughter did not seem to be phased at being put in the playpen with her toys.  I sat down on teh couch with my wife, taking hold of her hand.  But she pulled away from me, which was disconcerting.  "Dahlia, the results were as I feared," I said to her, trying to pick my words carefully.
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Post  Phoebe McCullum Wed Jan 07, 2015 6:12 pm

Of course they were as he feared.  Hadn't we both known that before he went in?  I was not sure if I could handle anymore responsibility... I was too young.  Too young to be married and have a daughter, let alone having to deal with a sick husband.  I nodded at him, trying to mask everything that was brewing beneath the surface.  He did not need to deal with that quite yet.  "Oh," I said, the sadness filling my voice.  Because I did love Graham once... and I did not want him to be sick again.  Cancer was a dangerous and horrible thing... he already went through it once, I did not want him to go through it again no matter how I felt towards him now.
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Post  Graham McCullum Fri Jan 16, 2015 1:07 pm

I held onto Dahlia's hand tightly.  "Honey, I'm sorry," I said to her softly.  "But I'm going to fight for you and for Phoebe... I love you both."  My voice cracked slightly, revealing how scared I truly was.
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Post  Phoebe McCullum Wed Feb 25, 2015 6:00 am

I nodded slowly at Graham, wondering how I was going to be able to help him with the fight.  I was already having doubts... now this?  I forced a smile and hoped it was convincing.  "I know," I said to him quietly.  "We love you, too, and... well, we'll figure out how to make this work."
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Post  Graham McCullum Tue Apr 07, 2015 1:21 pm

There was something off with Dahlia's smile, but I conributed it to the bombshell I just landed on her.  I took her hand and kissed it gently.  "You have no idea how happy I am to hear you say that," I said.  If my support system left me... what would I have done?
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Post  Phoebe McCullum Wed May 13, 2015 12:02 pm

i nodded at him, though I was at a complete lost.  What were we going to do?  I did not want to deal with this... not on top of having a little girl, too.  I gave him a smalls mile.  "You know I'm always here for you," I said to him, though in my mind those were hollow words.
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Post  Graham McCullum Tue May 19, 2015 2:00 pm

I took Dahlia into my arms and hugged her.  "You don't know how happy I am to hear those words," I assured her, though I felt like I was just saying the same things in different ways.  But it was true nonetheless.
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Post  Phoebe McCullum Fri Jun 26, 2015 8:07 am

I felt my smile falter slightly, though I tried to keep it strong.  I did not want to break his spirit, though I had no idea what I was goign to do.  I needed to be there for my daughter, not necessarily for boht of them.  That sounded horrible, but still.  "I love you," I said to him softly.
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Post  Graham McCullum Sun Jul 05, 2015 9:12 am

I gave her hand a squeeze.  "I love you," I assured her, giving her another kiss.  "Are you sure you're okay?  You can talk to me -- even if you're having issues with us or this..."
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Post  Phoebe McCullum Thu Aug 13, 2015 1:30 pm

I nodded at him.  "I just haven't really gotten my mind wrapped around it, is all," I said to him honestly.  "I've just got to get... I don' tknow.  I need to try to understand it."  And figure otu if I could even handle it.
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Post  Graham McCullum Tue Aug 25, 2015 11:15 am

"I know," I said to her, squeezing her hand.  "It's a lot to take in.  But we'll figure everything out."  At least, I hoped that she would let us figure it out and not just her.
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Post  Phoebe McCullum Mon Oct 05, 2015 11:49 am

I looked at Graham.  "Okay," I said to him, "one way or another."  I was not entirely sure what was goign to happen.  Graham was rather confident in everything... but I was on the other side of the board -- completely freaking out.
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Post  Graham McCullum Mon Nov 02, 2015 12:25 pm

I furrowed my brow slightly with the way that she said that.  I was not entirely sure how she meant it.  I sighed.  "It'll be okay, Dahlia.  I'm not going to leave you or Phoebe."
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