Here's to the damned, to the lost and forgotten -- Spring 2005

I had showered and was in pajamas.  I passed the parlour where I saw Draco pouring himself a drink.  I sighed sadly.  "Ian okay upstairs?" I asked, wanting to make sure on our son.

I nodded at her.  "Yes, he's fine now," I said to her quietly.  I was not entirely sure how this was going to go when it came to Pansy tonight.

I looked at him and wondered what to do next.  "Okay, good.  I'm going to go to bed, now... are you coming up?" I asked him, thinking it best if he stayed down here and away from me for now.

I shook my head.  "No... you go," I said to her.  I was not planning on going upstairs. I would sleep in the guest bedroom.  I did not want to do or say anything else to Pansy.

I nodded, glad that he did not want to oin after the way that he had acted towards me.  I went upstairs and got changed.  Laying down in bed, I grabbed the bo of tissues that was on my nightstand.  I would be needing those tonight.

I stayed downstairs, wishing that I could be up there with Pansy.  But how could I?  It was not her fault that Keegan was gone... she only admitted that times were rough -- but to the wrong person.  It was one thing to say that to Millicent or Juniper.  Never to my father.  She could have gone to Mother, maybe, but not Father.  She had some guilt in this... just not as much as my father had insinuated.  I put my face in my hands and let the tears come out.  It was too rough for me to hold inside entirely.  I could not do it.  I pulled my hand away and took another drink.  I would have to stay up all night; I could not bear to see what was in my dream.s

I got up before the boys - well, if Draco was still even at the house -- and started to make some coffee and breakfast.  I would need the caffeine.  Sleep did not find me very well the previous night adn I knew that Dorian would be a handful.  He was starting to come out of the funk he had been in since Keegan's death.

I staggered into the kitchen and saw that Pansy was making some coffee.  "Morning," I said, grunting it out, not sure if it was coherent enough or not for her to understand what I had even said.

I looked over my shoulder at my husband.  "Morning," I said to him, not entirely sure how to react to him this morning.  "Would you like a spot of breakfast?" I asked timidlly.  I was going to be making some for me and Ian anywyas... may as well be nice to my own husband despite the way he treated me the night before.

I sighed.  We had to play nice for Ian, did we not?  "Sure," I said to her, standing up.  "I'm going to check on Dorian."  I felt uneasy being downstairs with Pansy on my own.  I was not entirely sure if I could handle it.  Ian would be our buffer for the moment -- not that it was a godo thing to do, but it was better than the fighting.

I sighed and let Draco go upstairs.  There was no point in me saying anything else to him.  I had no idea what any of this would end up being, though, between him and I.  I continued to make breakfast and only turned around when I heard my son's voice.  "Ian!  Good morning, sweetie," I said to him, watching as he found a chair to sit on.  he still looked half asleep; I wondered if Draco woke him up just so he did not have to deal with me.

I felt bad for having waking my son, but I needed him to keep Pansy's attention if I was going to even try to deal with her.  "Let's have some juice," I said to Dorian, pouring him a glass to avoid eye contact with my wife.

I nodded, extremely tired.  "Juice, please," I agreed, remembering my manners.  I rested my head on the table and felt myself starting to dose off again.

I let Draco get his son juice since he had woken him up.  "Buddy, I'm making some smiley cakes," I said to him, letting him know that the pancakes would end up getting fruit eyes and a smile on it.  He loved those.

I roughed up Dorian's hair and went to pour juice.  I was nice enough to pour some for the three of us.  I did nto want Ian to ask unnecessary questions and questions I would have no idea how to answer.