Swimming through the ashes of another life -- Late Summer 2000 (DONE)

Remus was still a work in progress.  I had mixed feelings about his attitude about certain thing s-- like his children.  But with only remembering certain things, I could sort of understand.  They were finally letting him go after weeks of forcing him to stay.  It was extremely difficult dealing with him.  He was now as bad as me and Sirius.  I waled up to his ward and was actually surprised to see him waiting -- I half expected having to hunt him down.  He requested he be released with me or Sirius and no one else.  Chloe was still here or I was sure he would have gone with her.  I knocked on the room door to let him know I was there.  "Hey, Moony, are you ready?" I asked.  When he turned to face me, he looked horrible.  I went over to him.  "What's wrong?" I questioned.

I looked at James, fighting back tears.  "Why didn't you tell me my dad died almost ten years ago?" I asked.  One of hte healers mentioned it when I wanted to see my dad.  She said she thought it was sweet to visit his grave.  I had to pry the information she knew from her -- which was not much.  I would have thought that my friend would tell me... but no one did.

I knew this was going to hit him hard.  From everything forgotten, Remus may not remember the exact memories with John, but he definitely remembered the feelings.  "They told us not to say anything yet.  They want as little emotional stress as possible.  Your mind is so fragile right now," I said, wishing I could help him.  I knew how badly he took John's death the first time when he had everyone with him.  No, according to Remus's mind at least, he was basically alone.

I could not believe it.  My dad was gone!  It was me and him against the world... that was my clearest memory.  And it was more a thought than an actual memory.  I had just wanted my dad.  I put my face in my hands and started sobbing.  I did not know how much time passed, but James never left me... for which I was grateful.  I finally looked up at him.  "I would still like to see him.  If that's okay," I said hoarsely.

This reminded me of the old Remus.  I nodded and stood up.  "Of course," I said.  I took hold of his forearm and Apparated to the cemetary.  We walked in silence as we found Jonathan Lupin's grave site.  We stood in silence and as I watched REmus, I saw darkness start to appear on his face.  This was not going to be good.

My hands were in my pockets as I gazed at the tombstone.  He had not been all that old when he passed.  It could not have been a natural death.  I looked at James.  "I've been trying to figure out why I remember only certain things and have no idea on others," I said suddenly.  This being one of those things.

When he spoke, I nearly jupmed, it caught me off guard.  "Come up with any ideas?" I asked, curious what a mind like his would come up with.  Well, at least what his mind used to be anyways.

I shrugged.  "The last thing - well, only thing that is a clear cut memory was me being in complete agony, wanting to protect something both I and Boris loved.  I gave in to Boris... and that's it," I said.  "I believe that's why I remembered beign a werewolf."  I ran a hand through my hair.  "Why does the wolf like to be called Boris?  I can feel it change inside of me when I call it by that name."  It liked it... the name calmed the wolf.  Though I did prefer the more wild side of the beast.

Remus calling his furry little problem Boris put a smile on my face.  "Your daughter named your wolf years ago.  Do you remember what it was that you loved that you were protecting?" I ased him quietly.  I knew it was Chloe and the ids, but still.  I wondered if he had a vague recollection of it.

I shook my head slightly.  I had no idea what I was protecting.  There was just the abstract feeling... it was love.  Stronger than the love I felt for my father -- which I never thought would be possible.  "James, I hear people talking about Chloe and it awakens Boris.  Who is she exactly?  I have my suspicions of who she is... but be honest with me.  EVeryone is worried about my mind because it's apparently extremely fragile.  But lying to me and not telling me everything is worse for me than anything," I said.  I really just needed the truth.  From what I was able to overhear, Chloe was my wife.  And it made sense with the way Boris felt... but no one would flat out answer if I had a wife or kids... I had not seen the girl or her brother since the first day or two of me waking up.

It nearly broke my heart that he did not remember his lovely wife.  "She's the love of your life.  You married her and had two children.  You're always there for them.  Will lost his love and there you were.  You walked your beautiful daugther, Lucy, down the aisle.  You helped my son, Harry, through losing his parents.  I'll tell you that story later.  You kept Elena from fighting.  You hleped save Dean when he overdosed," I told him.  "But most of all:  you were always tehre for Chloe.  She need you now.  Go see her in St. Mungo's, Moony."  I did not want to push him, but he might need it.

Okay, I got James's point.  I just was not up to deal with all the kids.  "I might go see her... I just don't know.  I'm trying to adjust to all of this."  I sighed and looed at James.  "I want to make the people who ruined who I was.  They will pay for this.  And if Chloe doesn't wake up..."  I trailed off, a growl in my threat.  If I finished that sentence, Boris would become a problem.

I watched as I saw my friend's features turn dark again and kind of scary.  It was nice, though, to see him protective of Chloe.  "Remus, you'll have to take the leap.  She's the love of your life," I told him.  He would have to do it.  I wish that he would just go see her... I think things would come back to him if he did.

"I will take the leap... but who did this to us, James?" I asked.  My mind was on my love -- something that was getting stronger the more we spoke of her -- and my revenge, which was doing the same.  I would go see Chloe -- Boris enjoyed that idea -- and I would find who hurt her and kill them with my bare hands... or use Boris.  My wolf enjoyed hearing that, too.  I coul dnot wait to get my revenge.

I sighed and could not believe what I was hearing.  But I did not want to lie or deceive him.  "The Lestranges," I told him honestly.  I really thought he would go after them, but he would have me and Sirius to stop him from doing something stupid.