I'll love you today. I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be -- Summer 2010

I was not enjoying the logic that I had to deal with right now.  I wanted to be furious with her.  I wanted to hate her - to despise her.  "Look, I don't know what we're going to do," I said to her plainly.  That was the truth.  i was not sure if i would give the kids a choice - unless Dora convinced me otherwise.

I hoped that Tonks would talk some sense into him... but I figured that would not be the case.  Everyone viewed me as the bad guy all because I wanted time with my kids.  I was not trying to take them away -- I was not asking for custody; I was asking for visitation.  There was a big difference. 

"You know, Bill, I thought you were better than this," I said to him, sahking my head.  "You used to be better than this, actually.  What happened to you?  I'm not asking to take them away... I don't want a huge fight or battle over any of this.  I thought I could talk to you like an adult.  Clearly, I was wrong."

I stared at Annette, incredulous.  "What happened to me?  Well, let's see," I said sarcastically.  "I am like this because I had to raise those kids on my own.  No, it wasn't your fault.  You got into a coma to save my life so we both would not die with having twins at home.  Do you know what that does to a person?  It haunts them.  I don't know what I would have done if it wasn't for the twins and Charlie.  And you know what?  Yes, it terrifies me that they might leave me."  I ran a hand through my red hair.

I stopped cold in my tracks of what I wanted to say to him.  He had a point.  I took a deep breath and sighed.  "Bill, I am so sorry for doing that to you," I said to him softly.  "I mean... I'm glad I saved you.  Since I woke, I never once regretted that.  The only thing that haunted me was not being there for my kids.  I'm not angry with you; I'm not trying to take them away.  I just want to know them.  Help them from here on out..."

My anger subsided and I saw Annie for the girl I fell in love with for a little while.  I sighed.  "I know it's not your fault... you would be involved any other way... but I just can't help but think that I'm going to lose them.  And I can't lose them, Ann.  I won't lose them."

At least now he was calming down and being somewhat understanding.  I bit my lip, wanting to put a hand on his shoulder butknowing that was not a wise move.  "You will never lose them Bill," I assured him, "unless you give them a reason to never come home.  And I know you wont' do that... not intentionally.  But Seth is feeling alienated.  He's told me this; your whole family... I just... I need to make sure my kids are safe, too, Bill.  And right now, my son is feeling very threatened."

I leaned against the counter and sighed.  "We aren't alienating him," I said to her.  "He's just extremely difficult to talk to."  And why was I explaining myself to Annette?  She was not around... she did not know our children.  and yet... Seth thought he could confide in her and not in me.  that hurt deeply.

I smiled sadly at Bill.  "You find him so difficult to talk to because he is so much like you," I said to Bill slowly.  "You can't talk at him... you have to talk with him.  At least that was what used to work with you."

I stared at her, disbelief clearly written on my face I was sure of it.  I did not want her to tell me how to deal with the twins, but she was right; Seth was very much like me.  "I don't talk at him," I said to her defensively.

I could not help but roll my eyes at him.  "Right," I said.  "Just like you never talked at me, either?  Bill, please.  I'm not trying to argue, I'm just trying to help you see what happens."

I pursed my lips and could not believe the shit I was getting from Annette.  "You have no idea what is going on between me and Seth right now," I said as calmly as I could.  "It is nothing like what happened with us.  I don't need to be having this conversation with you."

I raised my eyebrows at Bill.  "I may not be completely in the loop, Bill, but I still can tell when you are being completely bullheaded.  And it's obvious how it's affecting our son!" I said to him loudly, knowing that it was one of hte only ways to get through to Bill.

I did not like the fact she raised her voice, but it did make me shut it for a moment to clear my head.  "I know Seth's hurting.  I'm trying to reach out to him," I poitned out to Annie.  "But I can't be the only one who wants to get along; he's going to have to want to get along with me, too."