I'm well aware this should remain unspoken -- Winter 2018

It was a few weeks after Grandpa Remus's funeral and I have had so many visions about the Dark Star lately.  And my point of view has varied greatly from being a by-stander to being the person that is being tortured.  That was what had happened when I practically lived through Grandpa Remus's death -- for the second time.  The first time with Greyback, he survived... but this time, obviously, he had not.  I had been keeping all of these visions to myself because everyone was having a hard time and I did not want to worry them.  I had not had a good vision in awhile it seemed.

What I was concerned about was the fact that in the vision where Grandpa Remus died... I had been in the attacker's perspective -- which was something brand new.  I never was in that view.  It had worried me.  But then I realized I had a connection with the attacker... but everyone said Boris killed Grandpa Remus... my vision, however, contradicted that.  I was so confused and hurt.  I was actually afraid of my own granddad.  But I felt his anguish at having to do it... because Grandpa Remus asked him to stop Boris at any cost.  I just never thought Granddad would do it.  They were best mates.  There had to have been another way.  

I had to talk to Granddad.  So I stepped out of the fireplace at Grimmauld Place and walked forward.  I knew I would not run into anything -- I hardly ever did anymore with my other senses.  "Granddad?" I called out, my voice shaking slightly.

It had been a few weeks after Remus' death. I was hardly the man I was before. I couldn't contain this my eyes bloodshot, my hair a mess, I walked around the house aimlessly not really knowing what to do with myself. I heard stans voice as I was awoken from my nightmares. " Stan!? " I shouted from the kitchen as I was debating making my way out to the yard.

"Granddad," I said, going to him and gave my grandpa a hug.  Neither one of us were normal since it happened.  I, obviously, understood why.  I just... wanted all my misgivings about the whole situation to go away.  I wanted Granddad to know that what he did was what Grandpa Remus wanted... even if it was terrible.  I saw the change right before it happened:  Grandpa Remus no longer looked like himself.  It was only Boris.

"I've Seen things," I told him, giving him a reason as to why I was there.  "A lot."

Well that's never a good start. Walking into the kitchen I put a pot of water on to make some tea. " we can go sit in the living room. " I said as I turned away from the stove, leading the way in. I say down looking to my grandson as he looked like he had a lot on his mind. " what happened?" I asked.

Right now, I was actually grateful for not being able to see.  I did not want to see the way Granddad would look like hen I told him everything.  I walked into the living room and sat down, sighing heavily.  "I Saw... I Saw Grandpa Remus die," I said to him quietly.  I as not sure if he would automatically jump to when I thought I Saw him die... but I was talking about the real thing this time.  "And I've seen so many flashes.... of terrible things, too.  No one knows... I don't know what to do anymore.  And I know you're having a hard time -- and I know you aren't the same anymore..."

I trailed off, sort of hoping that Granddad would realize what I meant.  I just had no idea what to do.

He saw Remus die? Wait, he couldn't mean...here sat my grandson telling me he saw me kill him. That couldn't be it. " I haven't really been myself since he passed no..." I said quietly. How could I explain to him that Boris killed him and he was no longer Remus. Tears coming into my eyes. "what do you mean?"

I was wringing my hands with my elbows on my knees.  I was aiming my face towards the floor as if I could see my granddad's face if I looked up.  "I-I mean... things aren't as they seem.  We were told something... and it was different from what I Saw," I said, my voice barely audible.

Nodding as he spoke. " Go on." I said quietly, taking a deep breath. He saw the fight between me and Boris?

I felt as though I could not breathe because the whole scene seemed to be flashing before me.  Grandpa as Padfoot... Grandpa Remus as Boris... the blood.  I felt tears burning in my unseeing eyes and forced myself to speak.  "Grandpa... it was like he lost all control... you two fought..." I said, knowing that I would not be able to say anything else than that.

I felt the tears coming as I couldn't stop them at all. This was heart wrenching. " he.....he...did lose."I said quietly. Here he was telling me he had a vision of me killing Boris/Remus because it was no longer Remus who was in the body. It was Boris. Boris killed my best mate and I killed Boris.

I had no idea what to exactly do next. I did not necessarily view Granddad any differently because he had to do what had to be done to stop Boris from doing harm. But... it was killing me to know what actually happened. I felt it when I Saw it. I hated my Sight for that reason. "I-I'm so sorry," I managed to say even though I knew that it would make no difference really. It was not going to change what happened; it was not going to make my grandpa feel any better about it. But what else could I really do?

I felt my body start shaking to the point of involuntary convulsions almost. Walking to my grandson I pulled him into a hug as the sobs just started as I couldn't contain it anymore. This was killing me. I ended his life, one of his best mates killed him. I didn't know what to do with myself.

I hugged my granddad tightly. "I won't say anything," I said to him, my voice thick with my own tears. I wanted to know the truth and I got it. I hated it, too. But maybe... maybe I could help my granddad a bit. If someone knew the truth, maybe it would ease some of the pain. I was just a kid, though, what did I know?

Trying to contain myself, " I don't expect you to keep that secret." I said to him wiping my eyes pushing myself to act more like me again. " I don't want something like this to eat at you. I'll come clean to everyone soon." I said to Stan. I knew what I was risking telling everyone but I couldn't have this eat at my grandson.