Awakening -- TBD

I was disoriented. What the...? Where was Lily? Harry? Where was I? Something wasn't right. Everything was hazy. I heard muffled sounds, but nothing that gave me any inkling what was going on. I kept blinking and with each one, my vision started becoming clearer, but my thoughts were just getting more jumbled. I had no idea what was going on or where I was. The last thing that was very distinctly etched in my mind was fighting Death Eaters and Voldemort and then nothing. I vaguely remembered awakening to just a bunch of haze-like scenery along the way to now. But nothing made sense. I sat there for another minute or so and then it all came rushing back like it did every other time.

I was alive. I had no idea where I was or where Lily was or if she had even survived. I didn't know how my son was. I didn't think anyone knew I was even still alive to be quite honest. Except one person. The person who I had called a friend. A person I trusted my life with. My wife's and son's lives with! And he was the only one who knew I even existed anymore. Well, that would be no more. He had a schedule he kept up with. I knew it by heart. I would overpower him. I had seen him through small cracks. My wand was still in the other room right outside. I knew Peter was weak. He wouldn't think that I'd do this. he thought he was keeping me at the bare minimum of strength so I wouldn't do this. Well, he underestimated me for the last time.

When he cam down, it wasn't hard to overpower him. I closed the door and locked him in the room where I had just been. I felt dizzy, weak... but I had to power through. I saw some clippings on the table from the Prophet and saw that it was about my own funeral. That's where I needed to start. I needed to go there. Then, perhaps, I'd find some answers. But the article had also read that Lily passed... but Harry, he was alive! I wouldn't believe that Lily wasn't here until I had proof. If I was alive, she was too somewhere. But I needed help to find her. I just hoped that I would get a clue of where to go once I visited my own grave..

It felt as if hours had passed, and by the sign that the sun was starting to rise, I figured I was correct. What I didn't understand was why it had been so easy to overtake Peter. I wondered if there had been a ruse of some kind. It didn't make any sense. All I knew was that I had to try to find Harry. I knew he had to be at Hogwarts since he was still alive -- my heart was overjoyed by that fact -- but I needed to speak with Lily. I wasn't sure if she was even in her grave since I wasn't in mine, but I still needed some sort of solace.

It was barely dawn by the time I had gotten to the cemetery. It was eerily quiet out, which was appropriate I assumed. It was hard to find our tombstones, but once I saw them I realized that someone -- Ember, Sirius, Remus? -- had laid fresh flowers for us. I also saw that we were close to my parents as well, who also had fresh flowers. It had to have been Ember who was here. Or perhaps Sirius, but no one else would've brought flowers for my parents, I didnt' think. When I saw Lily's name, though, I collapsed onto the ground and had my face in my hands, sobbing. To think that she might truly be gone... I had never known for sure. But seeing the grave just made it all so real to me.

But I wasn't going to be alone anymore. I would find Ember, Sirius, Remus, Chloe... I would find my son. And I would find out the truth about my wife, whether she was still here somewhere or gone. I spoke to the tomb like I would get answers from it. "Lily... I have to know you're still out there somewhere. I need a sign. Anything will do... just a path to go down. Anything. I don't feel like you're gone, I never have." I sighed and wiped my eyes. "I know I had pleaded for Peter to kill me more than once... but something kept him from doing that. Was it you? Had you persuaded him somehow to not answer me? But then why would you not make yourself known to me? Perhaps you couldn't. No, I know you couldn't have if you're still out there. There is no way, if at all possible, you would have let me be there alone if you knew about me."

I heard movement and wasn't sure if it was the wind or something else. I gripped my wand and wearily stood up. Looking around, I couldn't see anything or anyone else through the morning haze, but that didnt' mean that there wasn't anything out there. I wasn't sure if I wanted to say anything. Maybe they didn't know I was here... and if they had heard me, I wasn't sure if I wanted word with someone other than family knowing that I was still alive. In the article I knew that Voldemort was defeated by my son -- my one year old son! But that was long ago... I wondered if Harry had ever visited these graves...

I shook my head slightly. I needed to focus. I crouched down so I was at least partially hidden by the stone angel that was between mine and Lily's tombstones. At least it would make the possible onlooker perhaps not see me... or at least think that it wasn't a person here this early.

I had come to the cemetery, I had gotten fresh flowers to place down. I walked over to Ryan and Tabathas gravestone and laid down flowers. My eyes welled with tears, " I hope prongs and lily are keeping you guys company up there. " I said smiling softly, looking over to James and lily's gravestone I just physically couldn't take it I walked over and slumped down to the ground placing the flowers in front of the stone. " hey prongs...lily....i can't pretend im all right with you guys not here...i don't know what to do. You guys are apart of my family. I thought our kids are supposed to drive us all nuts...and now they just get to drive me nuts." I joked, " I miss you guys so much...and it feels like a part of me went when you did...." I had to pause. Tears tolling down my cheeks. " I don't know what to do guys...prongs how are we supposed to protect our little ones...if you're gone....." it felt as though I was tearing my heart out when I finished my sentence. I stopped and just looked at the stone in front of me and just broke down completely.

It was him? I was freaking out because it was him?! I couldn't find words to say while he sat there pouring his heart out... What should I do? I'm dead to him. Dead. Gone. Obviously, though, he still was upset about everything. I wanted to call out to him, to warn him I was going to be coming out of the shadows, but my voice broke. I mean... here was my brother. The answer to my prayer to help me. I just couldn't believe my eyes. I finally found my voice, but I knew I hardly sounded like myself. I was a shell of a man I used to be after being alone for however long. "S-Sirius?" I said, trying to get up from my 'hiding' place. I didn't want to freak him out, but I had been dead to him... so that was bound to happen.

I looked up swearing I just heard prongs voice. Looking around as I thought I was now losing my mind. " Prongs?" I said unsure of what I was doing or what I would do if this was Prongs or I am just going nuts. " Where?" I said as I was wiping my eyes quickly, if this was a joke I was going to kill someone. Actually. I shook my head..." Sirius you're going crazy.." I told myself.

I felt like a baby crawling from the fog, but the strength I had I was losing quickly. "Padfoot... its really me. And you... you're okay. I... help: I couldn't get my last sentence to form correctly. I reached out to him, hoping, praying that he wouldn't back away or run. I needed him to believe it was me

I gaped at him, " Uh....er.....guh....um......" I walked over to help him ready to grab my wand. If this is a joke I will kill someone. " I know that....it is you.." I said unbelievably. I walked over to help him. " What happened? "

I could barely hold back my tears. "Pettigrew," I said, there was no way I would give him our nickname. He didn't deserve that anymore. "He... I was trapped. I was completely alone... I didn't know that Harry was okay... I read that he was at least alive when I got out," I explained. Then the tears came. There was no holding them back. I was sobbing like a baby. "Lily...? I don't know where she is... It said she was gone, too... but, Padfoot... I'm still here. I feel it that she's not gone. If she really is, though... I don't know what I'll do... her and Harry were the only ones that kept me going while I was trapped. The only ones who kept me alive... if she's gone... I don't know if I can go on," I explained, unable to even look at her tomb for fear that I would realize she was really buried beneath it.

I wanted to ask where Harry was. But fear stopped me from doing that as well. What if he wasn't okay and he was just alive... like in a coma at St. Mungo's or something. I was afraid that if he were alive and well, he wouldn't want to see me. I wasn't there for him for his childhood or anything. Would he be overwhelmed to see me? Or would he hate me for being away?

And that was when I woke up in the dingy room I was in. I closed my eyes as a few tears leaked out. I hated having that dream... who I found first changed -- it was always the worst when it was Lily I found. But I was still in this dungeon like room by myself not knowing anything that was happening in the outside world. If only I knew how my family was! I kept my eyes open, not wanting to dream of anyone eagain.