I Don't Want to Lose It -- December 1996 (DONE)

I wasn't one hundred percent that she would even want to see me, but who knows?  It was the week before Christmas break and I was hoping to stop in and talk to her beforehand.  I got permission to go outside of Hogsmeade and I knew that Dean wasn't here becaues I saw him head towards the village with his entourage of girls.

I approached the house adn took a deep breath.  I knocked on teh door and waited, nearly holding my breath.

I heard a knock -- or at least it sounded like there was someone outside. I looked out the window and saw Addison much to my surprise. I opened the door and smiled. "Addie, come in," I said, giving her a hug. Despite everything, I really did have a special spot for her. Especially with having been with her during losing the baby. "To what do I owe the pleasure?" I questioned.

I followed Ember to the living room where she had been folding laundry by the looks of it. "Well... I know it's out of my place, but I wanted to talk about Dean and I," I said, lookign down and being sure his mum would just laugh at me.

I wasn't sure how to go about this. Dean was my son... but ADdie looked like she needed to talk. "I'm not sure how all I can help, but I can at least listen," I responded honestly.

I nodded, definitely understanding. I sat down and started right in. There was no other way to do it. "I know how things went down wasn't the best," I admitted. "But I wasnt' sure if I could find myself beign an 'us' not just a 'me'," I explained, hoping Ember would understand.

I sat there listening. "Addie, I'm going to be honest with you, I don't know all the details of what happened," I explained. "I don't need to know. I understand needing to find yorueslf and it's hard to do when in a relationship." I sighed and put my hand on her knee. "All I know for sure was that Dean was -- and probably still is -- hurting."

I bit my lip, knowing she was right. "I'm just afraid with teh way he's acting at school... he doesn't want to even talk to me. He doesn't seem like he even cared what happened." I felt like I really did lose him with everything he was doing at school.

I sighed. "I don't know, Addie, I can't speak for Dean," I told her. I was worried about my son, but I couldn't really do anything about it. "Have you tried talking to him?"

I shrugged. "I can't even get close enough to try," I said. Everytime I did, girls would keep me away and say snide things. "I just don't seem to matter anymore. I guess I thought I'd always mean something to Dean... apparently I was wrong," I said, blinking tears from my eyes.

I leaned over and hugged her. "Honey, I don't think you'll never not mean something to Dean," I told her. "He's just... I don't even know." I pulled back and kept my hands on her shoulders. "We're having the normal New Year's party... as you know. You could always try then. The magic of new year can make anything happen." My mind was turning. I wanted so badly for Addie and Dean to work it all out. I did love Addison like a daughter.

I looked at Ember. "Are you serious?" I questioned, looking int o her eyes. "Do you think I could come? Maybe be able to talk to him?" I tried not to sound too hopeful, but I was.

"I'm not telling you to come but I'm not telling you to stay away, either," I told her, hoping she would get my drift. I didn't want to be blamed by Dean if they argued. But I did want to see them at least talk things out. Civilly... I looked at Addison. "It's just something to think about... but just know that if you show up, I won't kick you out. But I'm not going to be sending an invite, either."

I nodded, understanding. I hugged her again. "Ember... you have helped so much, thank you," I said. I stood up and smiled at her. "Maybe I should go now..."

I smiled at her. "Be careful, Addie," I said, walking her to the door. I gave her another hug. "Honey... just try to relax and just think that... you may or may not be able to talk to Dean soon."